It was mid morning, and I was brainstorming strategy with my department at work. I was contributing and feeling confident. These meetings inspire me to revise my methods, try something new and hit the ground running. They re-instill meaning and purpose behind the job that I am doing. I really like these meetings. They are a refreshing change from my normal day to day.
Out of no-where, my stomach began to hurt. Breakfast wasn’t sitting easy, I concluded as I continued to be an active part of the day. The pain continued to radiate upwards towards my shoulders, and downwards into my pelvic floor and suddenly, I felt like my hips were broken and my back seized up. The idea of being able to walk out of the room with any ounce of dignity was out of the question. The pain created a home in my torso where it festered and burned. If I stood up, I would have felt as if my pelvis might just fall off. My body began to shake and all I could think about is the pain.
“How the hell are you feeling this way?”, I asked myself. I checked the app that I use to track my period. It was only day 19. My period was not due to start so this pain was abnormal.
I became withdrawn from my meeting. I could not focus on anything besides the pain. I think my face started to become contorted as an uncontrollable reaction to what was going on in my body, for a colleague asked, “Are you okay?”
“I can’t take this anymore,” I responded, quite loudly. Enough to grab the attention of everyone else in the room. “Do you need to go?” my team leader asked. At this point, I think he could tell that my outburst was not a reaction to something in the meeting but was rather something going on with me. I tried to leave, but I could not move. My back would not allow it.
In minutes, the pain subsided enough for me to gather my things and begin the journey home. I managed to get to my car and turn on my heated seat. I do not remember the drive home or how I got there. At one point, I did contemplate going to the hospital, but covid times and incredible discomfort deterred this decision. I just needed to get home, to the place I could find some ounce of comfort in what I thought was going to be the pain that would end me.
Surrounded in baggy clothes and a variety of warming and heat products, I fell into a deep sleep. A nap that brought sweet distance between me and my pain.
After that glorious nap, I googled possible reasons for the rebellion my body just staged. Turns out, not getting adequate sleep and doubling your caffeine intake to make up for the insufficient sleep is enough to induce an endometriosis flare up.
I guess that I cannot afford to go to work unless I have had enough sleep. One more thing to add to the list of what I can and cannot do in my life with endo.